I Surrender.

I recently did a intriguing little survey that SkinnyMeg had posted about what we think we look like VS what our body size really is.
My results were somewhat surprising...
Considering my self image battles and the ability my mind has, I knew I would be a little off.
But what I was not expecting, was where I would be placed...

Here are my results:

25% smaller than I think.
That was surprising.

Later on the same day, I went to a yoga class where the yogi told me to "surrender"...

And for some reason it stuck to me.

The word doesn't strike me as negative.

It makes me feel calm, at ease.

The word surrender to me, means peace.

So I thought I'd try it on.

I surrender.

I'm surrendering to the negative self talk.

I've come to the point where I'm starting to feel so grateful for my body and the many changes that it's adapted through over my 20+ years.

I'm surrendering to the idea of perfection.

Whose to say that perfection can't mean what we are in this moment?

I'm surrendering to the overwhelming presence that the media has in my life.

I don't want to constantly compare myself to others.

I surrender.

It feels SO good to let it go.

To breathe a deep sigh of relief.

I feel as though this "journey" "path" "lesson" whatever you want to call it...

Try to surrender, lovelies.

I want you to feel this peace inside you.

Short but sweet

Hi Y'all...
I'm quickkly typing this in my pj's, before I get ready for work.

I'm somewhat settled into my new job.
Lots to learn and lots of new faces, but I'm loving it.
It's so great to be able to come to a place everyday and know that you are respected and supported.
I have a lot of great perks here and lots of support from the people around me.
Makes a very happy Lauren! : )

How's everyone doing lately??
I'm slow and sluggish this week, probably cause I ate like shit last week.
I'm doing a skinny jeans fit camp on Facebook with Jess from Operation Skinny Jeans.
So far, there is such a strong positive attitude from these ladies.
I even met someone from Edmonton! CRAY CRAY!
I'm working on being more diligent with the 300's assigned for this week!
100 squats, 100 jumping jacks, 100 push ups!
I'm too ADD right now, but I'm trying to keep myself going.

I wrangled up the bestie for a run last night... though she wasn't feeling well, she still kicked ass.
I gotta get my butt moving on my training for my half.
Also up for discussion... costume or no costume??
I was definitely thinking of a fun shirt for the race... perhaps done by Ruffles with Love??

Talk soon lovelies!
XO

Motivation, Inspiration and getting rid of the nasty!

So, Since posting my before photo and my "in the middle" photo... I have recieved SO much love and support and praise.
THANK YOU.
I honestly didn't even realize that change had happened until I put the photos side by side.
I knew I felt better, my clothes fit a little better and I was crankin out energy like it was no problem.
But, I really didn't take into account the amount of work I've been putting in.
That's mainly because, it's become second nature.
I don't need to constantly fight myself to not eat the junk in front of me.
I will just have a bit, or ask myself "Is it really worth it?"
I fill up cups of water and leave them in my fridge so they are cold and instantly ready.
I pre pack veggie bags and fruit containers so I always have those options.
I can finally say, I've created a healthy lifestyle.
Now, do I still get popcorn with butter at the movies? You bet!
Do I still eat cake at birthday parties? Does a bear shit in the woods?
But I make sure that I'm actively making that decision and carefully planning every other meal around that.
You can't ALWAYS do that, but that's when you realize It's Life.
Those things happen, move along and learn.
Go for a run, take the stairs, just try to do something to move your body and shred the calories.

On Monday, I couldn't find the motivation to get my ass in gear.
Natalya and I went to see Monsters University *and laughed more than the kids did* and I totally ate M&M pretzels and popcorn with butter...
Big win? I didn't eat the whoooole bag ;)
So yesterday, I was determined to make up for it.
When my sister in law offered me a ride to Zumba, I politely declined and told her I was running there.
And that's what I did.
I ran to class, sweat for another good hour, and ran home.
During class, the devil in my head said "just get a ride home", "you can work your way up to running both ways"
But I was determined. So I ran home.
Yes, I stopped and walked, but only for half a second and then kept going.
I killed it. and I'm proud.
I even had people driving by giving me the thumbs up!
Thanks, Random!

This beauty DOES train like a beast!

Always nice to get a SkinnyMeg email!

 

Now, getting rid of the nasty.
I have a publish option on my blog, which gives me the opportunity to pre read comments before they hit my blog.
To those of you who read my blog, Thank you.
I hope you find something funny, inspiring, motivating or just keep up to date with what's happening in my lovely little life.
But to those of you who decided to remain "annonymous" and send in nasty comments about how I look in my photos, what I write about or how I'm losing the weight, Thank you.
I say thank you, because you've obviously taken the time to read my blog on more than one occassion.
HOWEVER, you have no place here. I do NOT stand for negative comments on other people... but especially not on myself.
Please realize that no one is forcing you to read my blog or look at my photos.
Carry on.

I hope everyone has a superfab Wednesday!
I'm in a dress I couldn't button up a few months ago!
WOO!

Can't really see it, but I'm HAPPY

Here goes nothin'

Inhale. Exhale.
This is a HUGE moment for me...

 

There it is.

Left side: May 2013, Right Side: July 2013

This is scary. This is eye opening and this is me.

1. It's scary because y'all are lookin at my trouble area...

2. It's eye opening because the change that's happened hasn't been noticeable in my numbers, but obviously has been in my clothes.

3. This is me. Posting a picture like this makes me realize I NEVER want to go back. The right side is who I am now, and I will never be the unhappy girl, stuffed into jeans again.

 

It kills me to think I've been so hard on myself, yet, these are the results I haven't been able to see.
This makes me understand SO much more why people tell you to measure yourself!

On Friday, some girls at work came out for a few drinks as a farewell ish thing for me.
I've accepted a position elsewhere and will be leaving Colliers on Friday.

Of course, Miss Ali (soon to be Mrs. McGavigan... EEEK!) had to make me cry a bit... and laugh A LOT.

Darryl and Ali bought me my first running watch. It means more to me that a watch would to most... but coming from Ali, it meant a lot more.

how hilarious is that card...

Cutest wrapping... it resembles D&A's dogs.
 

Perfect view!

 

On Saturday, I was given a ticket to a client event.
Colliers Retail team rented a suite for the football game.
This was SUPER awesome, specifically cause it was POURING rain the whole time.

Sunday was just a day for me.
I wasn't feeling great after the football game... When you eat clean and then try a deep fried chicken finger, things don't go great for you...
I cleaned my apartment, did laundry and grocery shopped.

 

 Excuse the garbage in this photo....                                    Delicious dinner... alllllll cleeeannn!



This week for me is going to be about peace.
Peace for me, is deep breaths, living in joy, removing the toxic and negative, and putting my best foot forward...
Kick ass this week people... You can SO do it!

Now, let me just go hyperventilate in the corner after I hit publish on these photos.... YIKES!

The Mind Game

I'm dead set on beating this.
I would say I'm a determined person but in the past, I've given up.
Something/Someone tells me no, and I give up.
Not anymore.
Tonight, I came home from a dinner date.
I took off my work clothes.
Climbed into bed.
I stared at a photo of myself on my night stand.
EVERYTIME I look at that photo, I'm reminded of how beautiful, elegant and sexy I am.
My mind goes, "You need to run..."
Then it says, "You should just go in the morning..."
And the devil comes back.
"You won't go... you know it."
I finally got up.
I pulled out my running clothes, I put on my multi colored runners (thanks Color me Rad!), and I walked out the door.

One of the constant thoughts in my head is about other people around me watching me run.
Seeing me, slowly puffing by, jiggling...
It used to be worse... but suddenly I can't remember that.
I feel awful.
I start out a different route I've never gone.
I'm still thinking about cars passing by me, thinking I'm enormous.
A single tear drips down my face.
I keep running.
Can't stop. Won't stop.
If Natalya was beside me, would I keep going? Hell yes.
What would Mama Laughlin or Skinny Megs tell me?
Keep. Going.

Still, the devil replays in my head.
"You should take a break..."
It's like a constant mental game to get myself to not give up...
I wouldn't give up on anyone else, so why am I giving up on myself?
Why am I not worth it?
A few times I slow to a walk, but I burst back into a run.
I can't handle giving up on myself.
I keep running.
I'm home.
That's 5K.

A year ago, it would have been a walk.
A year ago, it could have been nothing.
I could have stayed in bed.
Not this year.
I am worth it. I am worth every single tear that falls from my face, even when I hate myself.
Today, I'm frustrated.
Tomorrow, I'll be proud.

A welcome addition

When I was eleven, my brother started bringing this girl around.
She was tall, and beautiful.
A dancer & piano player.
She was kind, compassionate and calming.

Slowly, she started to be around more and more.
Ian and my movie nights had an extra person.
I didn't mind. She was pretty cool.
She would help me gang up on my brother... and Ian and I got to gang up on her.

Karrone was an only child. So it was always the three of us from that point on.
It was never awkward to spend time with them. well... maybe sometimes.
They both made such an effort to include me.
Even when I was a pre-teen bitch and wouldn't accept offers for rides to school, or hang outs cause I was too cool lame. (sorry bout that...)

As the years went by, Karrone and Ian stayed together.
I watched Ian prepare for their first Valentine's day together, anniversary's, and graduations.
Karrone and I would hang out just the two of us too.
We would go for coffee, shopping, get our nails done... it was so cool to have an older "sister."
There are stories upon stories that only her and I know.
She became my role model, the person I looked up to the most.

I went through some rough stages of life.
Wasn't the nicest to the people who loved me the most.
I was in turmoil with myself and was so insecure that it came out on other people.
My family, Karrone included, still loved me anyways.

When Karrone asked me to be a part of her bridal party, I jumped at the chance to agree.
Through the process of helping with the wedding, planning bachlorette's and bridal showers,
I realized something.
Karrone had been, and always would be; not only my sister, but my best friend.
See, when your brother or sister get married, and you gain a "in-law"... it's really amazing.
But in this situation, Karrone gained her first sibling. I gained my first sister.
I know that Karrone will always, hands down, be there for me.
To know in your heart that, you will always have someone at bat for you... through thick and thin...
through awkward pre-teen outbursts and living together... is rare and really special.

I'm truly blessed with the greatest older brother, who just happened to choose 

a pretty outstanding wife.

<3 

Weekend Recap & Some of this weeks goals

It's Monday... I was not particularly happy to be getting out of bed this morning.
But I've decided to swap that attitude out and be excited that I'm going for a run tonight!

I had a JAM packed weekend!
Friday night, Kayla, Natalya and I all hung out and just vegged before our run on Saturday morning.
Poor Kayla was sick, but she pretty much kicked ass that morning.

This run, was a BLAST.
Everyone colored bombed each other, everyone high fived and whooped it up for each other...
Plus, the run route was beautiful! It was slowly climbing up, temp wise the further we got into the run.
By the last km or so, we were all ready to quit... but we just pushed ourselves even further!
There were a few stations throughout the race that color bombed you, one of which threw color directly in my mouth... Cornstarch might be edible, but it doesn't taste good at all.


5Km's + Cornstarch in my mouth + many dirty looks from strangers + 45 minutes later...

I'm at one of my best friends wedding...
Watching her walk down the aisle.
Sobbing.

 

I cried when Jeff walked down the aisle, then when Dionne, Laurenne and Lauren walked down the aisle... Then through their vows... then, my next tipping point, Dionne, Carleen's sister... SANG.

Just the most beautiful song EVER...
I distinctly remember this moment when Carleen and I were talking about this song.

We both agreed it would be beautiful if sung at our weddings... but only by Dionne.

The wedding was spectacular, and the reception was SUCH a blast.

The Spratt/Reiniger's put on one.hell.ufa.partay!!!!!

Carleen and Jeff did rounds during dinner to speak with their guests.

The minute her arms hit me, I sobbed all over again as she whispered "Hi... I'm married now." in my ear...

I'm so incredibly lucky to be apart of Carleen/Jeffs's special day, and Carleen's life.

Thank you.

 

 

I went from runner to wedding ready in 45 short ass minutes!

 

The reception got a little wild with this dude...

 

Meet some amazing people... Chris and Kristen!

 

Went home with my boys... Thank goodness someone dragged me home!

 

 

As for my week goals this week:

~ I'm going to stick to Ali's run schedule she made for me...

 

~ Eat clean, cook clean, everything clean please!

 

~ Try a new recipe for dinner

 

~ Focus on ABS all week!

Favourite Day of the Week!

Um, have you noticed how ADORABLE my page is?
Thank you, Hubby Jack!
Today sure started off with a bang...
As some of you know, I'm a receptionist for a commercial real estate company.
I get some really interesting phone calls.
This morning, was no exception.
All I can say, is just remember that people's intentions aren't always what you might think they are.
I'm shakin that one off...

This will be happening tomorrow morning!
Just wait for some photos... all I'm sayin is there are some pretty awesome tights making an appearance!
Then, one of my best friends gets married tomorrow.
It's SO crazy how quickly time flies... I swear we were just sitting in her car talking about boy problems and trying to sort out life together.

Can't wait to see you in your beautiful dress marrying your best friend, Car!


I know, I'm stupid blonde here... never again, I promise!

That's pretty much it for today!
Nothing hilarious, or anything out of me today...
Maybe next week!
Happy Weekend, y'all!

I'm baaaacccckkkkk!

Hey Y'all!

I am back from a few weeks away.

I was on vacation for Julia's wedding on the East Coast, and then came back with terrible pneumonia and an ear infection. (womp womp, but who cares?)
I had this little one to cuddle with...

how can you not love that face!

Well, first things first...
Congratulations to my beautiful cousin on her wedding!
Everything went off without a hitch... kinda ;)
I have zippo pictures yet, but can't wait for them to come back/uploaded to facebook!
Everything we did was amazing.
I'm going to do a seperate post on just the wedding details.
It deserves it's own post. ;)
I seriously cannot describe how awesome my trip was.
I loved every second of being with all my family, making new friends and just loving and enjoying life with everyone!
Maritimer's are just the sweetest people. Honest.
Everyone says hi to each other, everyone helps you, it's the greatest feeling.
I LOVE going away where no one knows you and only your family is around.
No one to judge you and you just get to be you!
I digress.

Bachelorette... Holy Sh*t... nuff said.
Maritimers Party. They party harddddddddddddddd.
But this little Alberta Girl kept up with everyone.

Started off like this....

then tequila came...

and got passed around...

no words...

The week leading up the wedding, was just perfect.
Lots to do, of course, but in the end, every minute we were laughing as we tried to get stuff done.
There was no shortage of laughs, that's for sure!
When Colin and his best man arrived in the middle of the week, we all jumped into a few cars and headed to the beach one night...
Such a perfect evening...



Melmerby Beach

My parents walking together at sunset

Colin, Julia, myself and Joel

Scott and Lindsay

The Stang crew

the sweetest brother and sister combo

my beauty of a cousin

My parents were set to land in Halifax on the friday before the wedding.
But they both hated that they were away while Peter & Linda were scrambling to do things before the wedding. So they showed up and surprised them, earlier in the week instead!
Just the sweetest set of Best Friends hey?
Check these cuties out!

All in all, I had the greatest vacation.
I made some awesome new friends across this beautiful country.
We all want to do a reunion next summer!
Marriage, Bitches & Boats N Hoes! ; )

 

Because I'm a super sappy, super lovey dovey person.
I just want to mention, how freakin in love I am with life.
And EVERYONE that is in mine.
I'm SO SO grateful and SO SO lucky.
That's it. Nuff said.

Also, I came back from vacation, and had LOST weight...
BOOOO YEAH!
I did run a bit while I was away... but the humidity was KILLAR!!!!!!

 

And this weekend is Color me Rad!
I'm going to pick up my race bib with the bestie today!
Annnnnd a best friend gets married this Saturday!
Holy craaaaap, Carleen! It's happenin ;)

Sorry for the verbal diarrhea..
Next post is dedicated to the Wedding... YAY!