Guy and I are thinking, sooner or later, we'll move in together.
Ever since I can remember, my mom and dad have told me not to "put all my eggs in one basket."
Man do I wish I'd listened to them more through my relationship.
We drove the 5 hours home, talking about the future, how exciting this was. We were in the middle of planning a trip at Christmas to somewhere warm. After our trip, within the next year and a bit, we were going to buy a car and move in together. We were on the way to starting this amazing life.
... ahem, another fun fact, I cry. Alot. I just can't help it. Mainly when I'm happy. It's just who I am.
So here I am, crying. Guy's being so supportive and we're having the best drive home together.
The semester starts, I hate school. I'm not a school person. Guy's lovin it, already kickin ass. We're in the first week of school and he's already studying his ass off for an exam. I remember sitting in my room of my apartment, watching him study out at the kitchen table. Just being soooo grateful that I had this amazing man in my life. He supports my dreams, keeps me accountable and we laugh, SO much.
........ Insert dramatic slap across the face here .......
Three days later, I'm standing in the kitchen, listening to Guy tell me it's just "not working." I can remember not even having words to say, I was pacing, crying and feeling like the walls of my apartment were closing on me. Soon after this conversation, he was gone. We were over.
I'll be honest... I don't think I wore pants for a few months. :/ Awkward, but it happened. I let everything in my life slide. Really slide.
Over the next few months, I stopped living. (I hate admitting this, but it's part of it.) I didn't work out, I ate so much unhealthy food, I didn't cook for myself. I started making excuses and I never went out. I didn't keep plans with friends. I was lying to the people who loved and supported me. I was depressed. I ended up finding out that there was someone else for a while when Guy and I were together. It stung, really bad.
So I did what every girl does after losing her first love. Went through the stages of greif. Hated myself, cried a lot, ripped up pictures, wrote down all my angry thoughts and slept. Cause every time I would open my eyes, I fuckin hated being awake.
Now, it takes two to tango. No, our relationship wasn't perfect. Far from it. I made mistakes, Guy made mistakes. I'm actually grateful that the break up happened. I needed it to. I'm a true believer in everything happens for a reason. Guy seems happy now, I think. I really hope so. Because he deserves to be. Just like I do. I'm on the path to discovering that I do deserve good things. I am worth something. I don't let being cheated on, or abonded define what happens in my future.
I'm living in this moment right here... all I know is, I'm having a really delicious lunch. And I'm okay not knowing much more than that.
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