The Mind Game

I'm dead set on beating this.
I would say I'm a determined person but in the past, I've given up.
Something/Someone tells me no, and I give up.
Not anymore.
Tonight, I came home from a dinner date.
I took off my work clothes.
Climbed into bed.
I stared at a photo of myself on my night stand.
EVERYTIME I look at that photo, I'm reminded of how beautiful, elegant and sexy I am.
My mind goes, "You need to run..."
Then it says, "You should just go in the morning..."
And the devil comes back.
"You won't go... you know it."
I finally got up.
I pulled out my running clothes, I put on my multi colored runners (thanks Color me Rad!), and I walked out the door.

One of the constant thoughts in my head is about other people around me watching me run.
Seeing me, slowly puffing by, jiggling...
It used to be worse... but suddenly I can't remember that.
I feel awful.
I start out a different route I've never gone.
I'm still thinking about cars passing by me, thinking I'm enormous.
A single tear drips down my face.
I keep running.
Can't stop. Won't stop.
If Natalya was beside me, would I keep going? Hell yes.
What would Mama Laughlin or Skinny Megs tell me?
Keep. Going.

Still, the devil replays in my head.
"You should take a break..."
It's like a constant mental game to get myself to not give up...
I wouldn't give up on anyone else, so why am I giving up on myself?
Why am I not worth it?
A few times I slow to a walk, but I burst back into a run.
I can't handle giving up on myself.
I keep running.
I'm home.
That's 5K.

A year ago, it would have been a walk.
A year ago, it could have been nothing.
I could have stayed in bed.
Not this year.
I am worth it. I am worth every single tear that falls from my face, even when I hate myself.
Today, I'm frustrated.
Tomorrow, I'll be proud.