Monday, April 14, 2014

Who are you losing weight for?

A conversation came up between my girlfriend and I yesterday that really struck a cord with me.
For so long, I've been wanting to lose weight. Why?
Because I was bullied in school. Because I was never "that girl" who guys fawned over. Because my jean size and my best friends (at the time) horrified me. Because I couldn't wear shorts without feeling so self conscious. Because I wanted people to look at me and say, god she's beautiful.
Because I thought I could never be loved unless I was skinny, tight & toned, with bronzed skin, long gorgeous hair & a perfectly make up'd face.
I truly thought that. Until someone I loved with all my being, taught me a life lesson.
I could no longer depend on anyone to tell me I was beautiful. I could no longer place so much of myself into someone else's hands. They cannot create my life. They WILL NOT create my life. I will.
I refuse to think that I will have a happier life based on someone else's thought of me. I refuse to believe that when I lose weight, I can finally feel unashamed about my body. I refuse to even feel shame.
My body is a freakin' miracle. This 5'7, piece of work drug me 13.1 miles, through Disneyworld to complete my first half marathon. This body, has been put through hell. I've starved it, over fed it, fed it & puked it up, I've been an asshole to it. Yet here I stand. Breathing. Alive.

Why do I want to lose weight?
Because I am beautiful & deserve to look and feel my best.
Who do I need to look my best for?
Me. I'm not going to lie, I want to be a hot girlfriend. I want my future man to be proud to have me as his girlfriend. But who decided that I can't be that now. Where did I suddenly get the idea that because I'm 30 pounds away from my goal, I can't be a hot girlfriend. There's this idea in my mind, that because I have curves, because I wear a size 12 and a 36DD, and I wear high rise jeans to hid some of my extra's, that I'm worth less than a girl who is a size 2, who wears a 32B and wears low rise jeans. And on the other hand, I'm not worth more than her either. Her and I are just different. We're different heights, weights, hair color, eye color. We're all different. Why can't that be okay?

It can be. And it is.
If you have ever felt as if you are not enough, as if you are not worth as much as someone else...
Maybe you need to look at what you are basing that thought off of. Have YOU decided that you aren't worth it or enough? Or are you listening to people tell you that?

From this moment on, I am losing, toning, tightening & creating a better and stronger me.
For ME.
& only Me.
Because I'm worth it.